So drunk its hurt
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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