i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
