5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
