Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She announced her abortion via fbk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
