it wasn't lemon gatorade
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
