Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
