capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
