Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
