How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize