Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
