i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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