apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
