In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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