So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
