i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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