Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
