I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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