I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
