All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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