Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
