I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
