i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
