I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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