Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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