He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
