Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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