I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
