I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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