hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
