i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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