When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish you could order shots online.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
