girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
