Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
