Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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