Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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