the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
