So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
