I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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