did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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