So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
