Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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