capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
