it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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