I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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