Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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