Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
