Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
