Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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