My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
