Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
