You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
