i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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