I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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