what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
