i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
