AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
