I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
