there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
