It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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