My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
