The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was like eating out sand paper
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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