I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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