So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
