oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
