Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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