Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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