I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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