God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
