nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is my gift to your gina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
