if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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