Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
