currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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