Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
