Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
