I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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