Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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