the day after is always just damage control
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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