dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
