There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize