we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
