non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
