Someone shit on the floor
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
