high people should be assigned attendants
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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