i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize