i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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