You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
