Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
