I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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