i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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