i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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